woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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