What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
