She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
