a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
