I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
