11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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