Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
