i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
