theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I am naked and annoyed.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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