no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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