either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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