Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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