So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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