A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
