look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
