I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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