she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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