he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
