so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
