It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I intend to get homeless drunk
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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