I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
