who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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