once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
