conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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