Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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