bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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