I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
