he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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