she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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