I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
