you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
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YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
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she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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