...so i touched it.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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