I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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