There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
