i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
