Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
