I like my sex mixed with concussions.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
