I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
