Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
