We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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