woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
