is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
