I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
