My friends, they love my intelligence
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
