that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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