She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
