I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
