so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
