i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
