You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
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