You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
