I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
