There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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