Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
