Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Of course I have a pirate flag
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
