So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
