You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize