she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
