I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
