i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
