Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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