I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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