Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.