Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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