Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.