Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(813): View more from Florida

This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.

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(813): This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along. http://tfl.nu/9dyn

Replies (22) Good night (4738) Bad night (750)
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(607): View more from New York

How was dinner with ur grandparents?

(1-607): View more from New York

I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."

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(607): How was dinner with ur grandparents? (1-607) I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana." http://tfl.nu/9nup

Replies (18) Good night (1613) Bad night (6751)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..

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(609): She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her.. http://tfl.nu/k827

Replies (49) Good night (6872) Bad night (728)
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(269): View more from Michigan

I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.

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(269): I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college. http://tfl.nu/4edw

Replies (30) Good night (6544) Bad night (810)
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(509): View more from Washington

You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.

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(509): You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters. http://tfl.nu/qaew

Replies (6) Good night (2821) Bad night (989)
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(905): View more from Ontario

Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots

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(905): Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots http://tfl.nu/aobh

Replies (14) Good night (2949) Bad night (1892)
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(789): View more from

Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.

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(789): Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back. http://tfl.nu/mvrr

Replies (4) Good night (2343) Bad night (760)
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(407): View more from Florida

I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.

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(407): I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls. http://tfl.nu/jhsp

Replies (6) Good night (1669) Bad night (791)
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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.

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(902): It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped. http://tfl.nu/3q2q

Replies (2) Good night (1566) Bad night (703)
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(816): View more from Missouri

Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time

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(816): Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time http://tfl.nu/d70u

Replies (8) Good night (1426) Bad night (569)
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(315): View more from New York

I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer

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(315): I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer http://tfl.nu/lerj

Replies (5) Good night (1392) Bad night (512)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area

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(508): Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area http://tfl.nu/7yxw

Replies (3) Good night (1196) Bad night (479)
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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.

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(262): Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk. http://tfl.nu/thay

Replies (2) Good night (1057) Bad night (615)
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(207): View more from Maine

I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success

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(207): I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success http://tfl.nu/d8wt

Replies (4) Good night (576) Bad night (1292)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator

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(978): woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator http://tfl.nu/ric1

Replies (9) Good night (959) Bad night (618)

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