Texts From Last Night

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  (540): View more from Virginia

  you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.

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  (540): you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level. http://tfl.nu/ek4x
  Replies (2) Good night (1621) Bad night (486)
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  (44): View more from England

  What's everyones problem with my costume?!

  (1-44): View more from England

  It looks like a unicorn came on your face.

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  (44): What's everyones problem with my costume?! (1-44): It looks like a unicorn came on your face. http://tfl.nu/f20r
  Replies (26) Good night (849) Bad night (2482)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.

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  (618): for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed. http://tfl.nu/1nkf
  Replies (16) Good night (3049) Bad night (790)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.

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  (512): She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe. http://tfl.nu/piri
  Replies (27) Good night (933) Bad night (3044)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day

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  (847): I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day http://tfl.nu/i0qa
  Replies (20) Good night (1729) Bad night (5767)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT

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  (804): IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT http://tfl.nu/e7uf
  Replies (40) Good night (9425) Bad night (1615)
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  (845): View more from New York

  im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina

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  (845): im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina http://tfl.nu/gfgs
  Replies (12) Good night (1225) Bad night (2817)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?

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  (917): Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night? http://tfl.nu/29mg
  Replies (11) Good night (3801) Bad night (1376)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?

  (289): View more from Ontario

  You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.

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  (519): Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia? (289): You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname. http://tfl.nu/fwap
  Replies (7) Good night (1373) Bad night (2680)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.

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  (254): By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook. http://tfl.nu/9v3n
  Replies (8) Good night (1985) Bad night (546)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.

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  (952): Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead. http://tfl.nu/k34x
  Replies (6) Good night (552) Bad night (1782)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.

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  (515): SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me. http://tfl.nu/71wb
  Replies (6) Good night (1193) Bad night (273)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.

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  (908): I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf. http://tfl.nu/lxfv
  Replies (2) Good night (549) Bad night (389)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?

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  (541): Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde? http://tfl.nu/3wcs
  Replies (5) Good night (399) Bad night (302)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny

  (480): View more from Arizona

  speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about

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  (480): you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny (480): speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about http://tfl.nu/mm1p
  Replies (3) Good night (625) Bad night (318)

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